Smiling Faces?

January 4, 1975...there is a wedding...ours. We are young, 18 and 19 years old. The final picture in our wedding album is a picture from the car. In it, I am smiling...my husband has this look on his face that says..."What the hell did I just do?"

Fast Forward 30 years. My husband is now 50, I am soon to be 49. We have been blessed with two lovely daughters and four grandchildren.

While the faces have aged over the last thirty years, I can't help but to notice something....you can see it in this picture. There I am with the biggest smile you could see...and there he is... with a face that looks as if he would rather be anywhere else but here.

Can anyone tell me.... "What's up with that?"

Has both our tenuous beginnings and our life together been such a burden? Does he really just hate cameras that bad? I can't say I love cameras that much...but how can you not smile when you are in the midst of such a beautiful family?

Sometimes I feel a million miles away from him and I wonder if that is the way it began and if that is the way it will always be.

True Sacrificial Giving

I have a friend who truly knows how to give all of herself to God. Today we worked together on a project for our church, raising money for fuel for the elderly. She had a box of bears, collector's editions, that she was selling. The price was good for the item, but like at all tag sales people wanted an even bigger break. I could tell she was a bit hesitant to let them go for anything less than she was asking....and when she made the sale she told the woman that they were very special to her. They were her best friend's bears...a woman whom she loved deeply and lost without warning.

I am so blessed to be surrounded by people such as her who are a shining example of the sacrifices that people make in the name of our wonderful God! These bears are a part of the memories of her friend...a link to a loved one. And yet, she is willing to give them up for the work of the kingdom. And the legacy of her friend will now live on as an elderly may receive a gift that will allow them to stay warm during this cold New England winter.

What an awesome thing to witness! God, thank you for your gift to me of such a giving friend.

What I needed to Hear

As the president of a small congregation, I have had to lead our members through a time of great change. It was about a year ago that our Pastor told us that he had decided to accept a call at another congregation. He had been with us almost 11 years...definitely not without conflict, but we had become good friends. When it came to life in the church and the need to define our mission and vision, he was my mentor. Now granted, things weren't always rosey with us as we worked together, but I always felt that I could speak with him in truthful love and vise versa. Now that he is gone, I find that I really miss that comfortable relationship.

We have a new pastor onboard. I have to say that from the start, I have had my doubts. But the congregation approved this call and it is time for me to begin the work of supporting this new pastor as she begins to lead us toward fulfilling our mission and vision. It should be exciting and wonderful... but for me, it isn't.

Instead of an excitement for the future, I see fear. There has been gossip and ugliness that has been the underlying current in this call and I can't seem to steer us clear of it. There are decisions to make that I know are the right thing to do, but decisions none the less that will alienate some members of our congregation that I deeply love. And through it all, I just want to be able to do God's will in all of this.

I spoke with our interim pastor about this after church this AM. As I shared my fear of screwing everything up with what I said and did, he related to me exactly what I needed to hear. That sometimes no matter what you do, there someone will be upset with your decision. But, you must be true to yourself...because it is you that you have to look at in the mirror each and every day.

I remember meeting a lesbian couple awhile ago. Tatooed on one of the women's arms was an armband. Written above that band were the words, "Be true to yourself." They struck me then as very powerful and how wonderful that this woman was able to live out her life as she was without pretending she was anything else. I had forgotten about them and now that I heard them again, I am reminded that ultimately, I must do what I feel is right. I need not get wrapped in the acceptance of others, but must only care if I will accept myself when I wake up the day after making any decision.

And yet, if I am true to myself, where in this is God?

I must never forget that God is deep within my heart. His voice is there to guide me and as long as I know that God is there, I will know that being true to myself is in fact, being true to God.